Letting Go of Illusions
Taman Sari Waterfall in Bali
When I married just after college and five years later had my children, I embraced all the ideals of what life was supposed to be. I was a devoted, loving wife. A dedicated mother. An art gallerist and business owner. A woman who was seemingly “having it all." I checked every box, performing the roles the world expected of me. Then, suddenly, after 33 years of marriage, everything was shattered by a sudden divorce. The illusion of perfection collapsed around me, leaving me raw and exposed. The dream I had poured my heart and soul into abruptly broke into a million pieces. I spent the next several years in a state of trauma, shock, and disbelief. I felt like I was hit by a runaway train.
I remember spending many yoga classes sobbing on my mat, my heart searing with pain, and my mind filled with despair. I had done everything right. I had fulfilled the dream life. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Over and over again, I asked myself, "How could this happen? Who am I now? Where do I go from here?"
And now, here I am.
Five years post-divorce. Aging beyond the currency of social beauty standards. Navigating the inevitable ebbs and flows with my kids. Facing a future that looks nothing like the path I had originally imagined.
According to the traditional Chinese zodiac, this year marks the Year of the Snake—a symbol of transformation and renewal, as snakes shed their old skins. As I continue to heal and embrace this next phase of life, I realize I have done the same. I have shed the illusion of perfection of what I thought was supposed to be and stepped into radical acceptance of the truth of my new life.
And I’m happy to report that on the other side of this unexpected transformation, I have never felt stronger, more “allowed” to be myself, or more grounded in the "what is" of this very moment. My now stands in stark contrast to what was supposed to be, and I know I never would have grown into this version of myself without letting go of the life I once held onto so tightly.
As women, we are trained from childhood to fulfill our roles. Society and our family systems tell us what these roles are and how we are supposed to fit within them. How often, when asked about ourselves, do we respond with, "I’m a mom," "I’m a wife," or "I’m a yoga teacher"—identifying ourselves through the roles we play?
But strip away those titles, and what remains? This is what shedding ’the roles’ of perfection has revealed to me.
Messy is real. Raw is real. Releasing the idea of perfection is real. Once I accepted this, I found something startlingly amazing—true inner peace. Not from control or certainty, but from learning to be present with change, allowing it to teach me and guide me, to inhabit a deep trust as I continue to learn and grow. My life is taking a whole new shape as I am becoming the best version of myself today.
So, the next time you are sitting in meditation or on your yoga mat, I invite you to explore this within yourself. How are you fulfilling a role? How are you bending yourself to meet expectations? How does it feel to simply let go and accept what is?
In the end, the peace of radical acceptance is not about perfection or the absence of struggle—it is about surrendering to the present moment. It is about finding stillness in the storm, grace within the chaos, and beauty in the imperfection. When we stop struggling to fit into the roles “expected” of us and release the weight of those expectations, we create space for our truest selves to emerge. In this space, peace is not something we chase—it is something we become.
Love + Namaste,
